What I want to create VS What I actually create

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I've been having a hard time coming up with things to talk about on here every week, so I'm thinking of only posting when I have something to share. I initially made this blog to be sort of devlog for directing my personal work, but it ended up with me just moaning about the realities of being an artist :'( I'm gonna try and make this more about the artwork and achieving my 'vision' for what I want it to be. 

I'm trying to keep away from painting at the moment. One thing I've learned about myself recently is that I really like drawing in a way that could be considered 'flat'. I love perfect symmetry, I love profile faces, and I love archways and circles framing people. Looking through even my earliest stuff, I can see I always loved this, but I moved away from that and just copied how popular artists on CA.org painted in order to improve.

So I know that this is how I want to work, but whenever I start painting I feel compelled to work realistically. I guess this is either by habit or feeling like people expect me to work a certain way, and they may not like it if I switch up. There's definitely some ego involved there too, some urge to try and show people I don't suck.

I have an inspiration folder of artwork that sums what I want to make, and the majority of it looks entirely different to what I make right now. Lots of it is not realistic, some of it is borderline ugly to look at. Last year I got closer, with 'Somewhere in this Land' and 'Immortal Bond' achieving some elements I like, but I was still playing it very safe.

This year, I want to take some risks and create artwork that might be less technically impressive, but more in tune with what I want to create.

And now, here's some of my recent stuff that goes against everything I just said: